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If This Were the Last...| | So, you know how it goes when a reasonably well-known musician dies - someone who's not necessarily a household name but that a lot of folks will at least recall some minimal exposure to - and then suddenly they're winning posthumous awards and people are checking out their music who might have otherwise passed them by?
Well, that situation has nothing to do with the unexpected passing of Michael Jackson yesterday. Pretty much everybody in most corners of the globe knew who he was. He was famous the world over, and he probably remains one of the top-selling artists of all time (despite having been largely inactive since about 2001, at least in terms of making new music). So his death - which none of us saw coming because it wasn't like he was way up there in his years - rocked the world. In this age of social networking and news traveling at the speed of fiber-optics, Jackson's death very nearly managed to crash the Internet. (OK, that's an exaggeration. But it crashed Wikipedia, Twitter, and several news sites, which is an accomplishment.) Pretty much everyone was stunned and saddened by it. And I'm kind of on the outside of that situation, looking in.
Now let me explain - I didn't dislike Michael Jackson or his music. I just never really got into it. And it's not like I think his death isn't sad and tragic. It totally is. But because I only had cursory knowledge of his catalogue - I'd recognize his biggest songs from the chorus melody or the riff or whatever - I never really got swept up in the larger-than-life image that he put forth, or felt a deep emotional connection to any of his work. Most of it became before I was really into music at all, and even after that point, it was outside of my preferred range of musical genres. So I wasn't a fan. But I wasn't actively a non-fan. It just means that I recognize the void almost everyone now feels, despite not feeling it myself.
But I think Michael Jackson was one of those artists like the Beatles (a group who, ironically, had their catalogue bought out by Jackson) - even if you haven't listened to them, you've listened to them. Because you've probably heard a myriad of artists influenced by Michael Jackson even if you never sat down and listened to one of Jackson's albums. (The closest I came to listening to Michael Jackson's music was a couple of Weird Al parodies, truth be told.) Just about anything that pulled influences from the pop/rock world and the R&B world probably owes some of its influence, or at least its likelihood of succeeding on the radio, to Jackson. I probably listen to a ton of groups who would cite him as a musical icon who helped shape their own tastes in at least some small way. There's just no escaping someone who has that level of exposure. So I have to respect what I didn't happen to get any first-hand experience with.
I didn't want to write some sort of weird tribute blog for an artist I honestly knew very little about - you'll probably see a lot of virtual gushing on various sites over the next few days from people who are suddenly the guys' biggest fans (and from some who genuinely always were, I guess). But I figured it'd be weird to pretend I was anything other than a passer-by. Still, even at that superficial level of experience, I have to acknowledge that the guy made a hell of a lot of difference , and that he will be missed.
I created the 80th edition of my personal soundtrack project this week. It covers May/June, and this time around a number of songs (largely on the second disc - the first is generally more lighthearted and fanciful stuff) concentrate on themes of life ending and life starting anew. Those are pretty massive themes that tons of songs have been written about, so it's not like my interest in such songs is unique to these two months of my life. But I feel like I've thought a lot about my own mortality lately. Not because I expect to live anything less than a long, full life, but because I've come to realize more and more how much I love certain aspects of my life, certain routines and rituals and hobbies that I take for granted, and that I would feel extremely devastated if I ever came to realize this would be the last time I got to do one of these things. Even something as simple as going on a road trip or going out on a date with my wife or listening to one of my favorite CDs - things that I currently assume I'll get to do an infinite number of times in the future. But if I were doing something for the last time, wouldn't I want it to be extra meaningful? Wouldn't I make it the awesome trip to end all awesome trips, or make it the most romantic date ever, or devote a full 45 minutes to an hour (or however long) to just absorb a great musical work of art with no distractions or interruptions, quite possibly while singing along at the top of my lungs? Of course. But in reality, I'll likely never know when the last time around actually comes before any of these things. So they're likely to go by like it's just another normal instance - which means I should stop and think and appreciate these little blessings more than I often do.
Another theme that pops up near the end is night vs. day, sleep vs. awakening, and the appreciation of something as simple as the breath in one's lungs. It's no coincidence that there are two songs entitled "Breathe" (one on each disc). For several months now, I've actually suspected that I might be suffering from sleep apnea. I haven't confirmed it with a doctor yet (partially because I've been too lazy and too overworked to actually schedule the appointment), but the tell-tale signs are all there. I wake up with a stiff feeling in my chest a lot of days, and often with stomachaches and/or headaches, as if my body was running on minimal power while I slept and is now taking forever to get back up to speed, like a computer that can't quite get itself out of sleep mode. Fully waking up is often difficult for me, even after a full eight hours of sleep, so I stand in the shower cursing myself for not being able to fully "snap out of it" and get my day started at full alertness. I'm not so sleepy that I can't safely drive myself to work or whatever, but the best of my cognitive process probably doesn't get going until after lunch most days (which explains my work schedule). Then, because I got up and got going so late, I come home from work late, and I stay up late due to the other part of the equation: insomnia. I struggle to fall asleep most nights, even when I feel dead tired right before going to bed. Christine tells me that sometimes, once I do manage to fall asleep, I'll snore a lot and then briefly stop breathing. That's a classic sign of sleep apnea right there. I don't take it to be quite so severe that I have to worry about falling asleep and never waking up again - though I suppose that could be a real consequence if this is left untreated and it gets worse. According to her, I just catch myself and start breathing again, or it wakes me up - but enough episodes of this during the night are sure to leave me feeling robbed of a true feeling of rest the next morning. So yeah, I need to make that phone call and go see a doctor about this. I've been just hoping it'll go away for too long.
So a few of the songs I picked are sort of a reminder to myself that I want to see this change, that I want to become a person who grabs hold of each day, starts it off with the tank on full and the determination to seize it rather than just blundering through it, and to sleep in peaceful satisfaction at the end of it, rather than lying awake wondering if the next day will be spent in zombie mode just like the previous one was. Whatever medical issues surround this are just an outward reflection of an inward, spiritual problem. I've caught myself in a rhythm of not truly resting, not truly reflecting on the value of the life that God gave me a second shot at after I ruined it the first time. But I keep shrugging it off, as if the malaise will go away on its own and I'll be a better, more intentional person "tomorrow". The physical change will only help if it becomes a catalyst for a spiritual change. So I've selected a few of these songs as a reminder to myself to not take this healing for granted, should God choose to give it.
And with that, here's the tracklisting.
DISC ONE
- "Scenic Route", Jars of Clay
- "Funny the Way It Is", Dave Matthews Band
- "Are There Giants Too, in the Dance?", Meg & Dia
- "Right Moves", Josh Ritter
- "Bommerang/Two Birds", Mae
- "Southern Point", Grizzly Bear
- "No Gringo", Vienna Teng
- "El Gatillo (Trigger Revisited)", Calexico
- "Breathe", U2
- "Submarines of Stockholm", A. C. Newman
- "Glass of Water", Coldplay
- "Drops in the River", Fleet Foxes
- "Lady on the Water", Blitzen Trapper
- "Spellbound", Doves
- "Bluish", Animal Collective
- "Colors in Array", Future of Forestry
DISC TWO
- "Hold Out", The Reign of Kindo
- "The End", The Listening
- "Code Name: Raven", House of Heroes
- "Hero", Jars of Clay
- "Magician Reversed", Falling Up
- "Clockwork", Mute Math
- "Arms of a Thief", Iron & Wine
- "Vengeance Is Sleeping", Neko Case
- "The Angel of Death Came to David's Room", mewithoutYou
- "Last Night on Earth", Green Day
- "The Last Snowfall", Vienna Teng
- "Northern Lights", Anathallo
- "Closer to Me", Future of Forestry
- "Night/Day", Mae
- "Chinese Sleep Chant", Coldplay
- "Breathe", Anberlin
And finally, Christine decided that a good use for some of her free time now that she's in between jobs and in between semesters would be to join Facebook. She went from not even having a blog (I think she created a Xanga once, but never actually wrote in it) to a sudden great leap forward as far as social networking is concerned. I'm still resisting joining Facebook. I just worry that it will present me with perceived new social obligations rather than actually helping me keep up with people whom I otherwise wouldn't keep up with. But I'll be honest. My wife being honest makes me curious. So I guess I'll live vicariously through her and see whether it helps her or just stresses her out.
| | | Posted 6/27/2009 1:14 AM - 7 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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